So, just when I thought I was already feeling as poorly as I was going to feel …..things got worse.   That sinus infection that became an ear infection became so serious that my ear nose and throat doctor had that HOLY CRAP look on his face.   That my friends is a scary moment.

He said that the infection has been resistant to the very strong antibiotics I was already on and has invaded the bone in my ear.  That’s when he really let me have it….he said that he has never had anyone this sick just walk into his office before.  Then he added that the infection I have could actually kill me and I needed emergency surgery.

So  that my friends scared the bejesus out of me.  I knew I was feeling really poorly but had no idea things had gotten so bad.  I was feeling so guilty for not blogging that I had planned on making a Dutch butter pastry with shaved chocolate yesterday.   Ok, there was blogging guilt and the fact that I so badly miss working in my kitchen.  I thought I could start slow with something simple….buttery and comforting.   Sigh.  The problem has been I have a terrible time not falling over when I stand.

I can’t tell you how many times I found myself missing my kitchen and would soften butter and bring eggs to room temperature only to realize I just couldn’t stand long enough to make a single thing.  I’ve been so sad.

This illness cost me my favorite time of year…..has my house in disarray and now has me here in the hospital walking around with IV in both arms while sporting a gown with no back.  Before I had my kids this gown might have been fun….now it’s just tragic.  Sigh.

Oh well.  the up side is the surgery is done and I await the MRI to ensure the infection has been removed from the bone.  If so I may get to go home.   If not I have surgery again!   I am not having any fun.

I miss you all so much.  I miss being part of my usual life.   Please know that I will be right back to my antics just as soon as possible.

I can’t wait!

please excuse typos, I’m writing this on an iPad in the hospital with no glasses.   It’s possible this is all gibberish.

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31 Responses to I am more sick than I thought…had surgery yesterday and am in hospital

  1. Jann says:

    I am so sorry to hear about all that you have gone through with your infection. Please remember, we are your fans no matter what! All we want is for you to get well and be able to go home to your family. Please take care Tamatha…

  2. Karen Crosby says:

    My goodness Tamatha! What a time you are having. Please know I will be keeping you in my thoughts. As I am sure you know, your home, although it may be in disarray will always be there. The important thing is to take care of you, the loving glue to your family and animal friends. All else will come together in time. I know from personal experience how frustrating you must feel not having the control and organization you are used to, but be patient and let yourself heal.
    Take care and l look forward to hearing from you once you are well again. Big healing hugs to you xo

  3. deborah says:

    God grant you a speedy recovery ( and tell the nurses to give you a second gown to put on backwards for coverage). I work in a hospital and I have heard that hospital gowns are like insurance; you just think you’re covered. Hope a little levity helps you cope with the healing process.

  4. SJ says:

    I am so sorry to hear this – you have been having so many sicknesses lately, your immune system must be exhausted. Prayers for you.

  5. Mia says:

    I’ve missed you! Please take care & know that no amount of butter, sugar & blogging is more important than getting better. Speedy recovery! XOXO

  6. Karen in OH says:

    This is a granny-type order (LOL): Stop worrying about blogging, baking, and constantly pushing yourself … and concentrate on getting YOU well. Your entire family (both two-legged and four-legged) need you all better. Selfishly, we do too … so relax and enjoy your “off” time. Sending prayers and positive healing vibes your way . . .

  7. Karen in Ocala says:

    Oh no! Please take this time to REST and recover. We will be here waiting for you, never fear… don’t worry and fret about not blogging. Your health is your top priority. Get well soon.

  8. Jo Ann says:

    Oh no! I was wondering what was going on because we hadn’t heard from you but I was not expecting this kind of news! You need to get well. Stop worrying about the house and the blog. Those are just things that will get caught back up. You need to get well! We miss you but will all be here waiting for your return. Take care of you! Did it affect your hearing?

  9. Charlotte Moore says:

    I am so sorry!!! I knew you were not well or you would have been blogging. Like Jo Ann said I was not expecting this though. Goodness if I lived close to you I would be right there getting your house in order while you are in the hospital. I would cook for you too, but would hate too since you are such a professional. I really wish I could help you get through this.

    Will PRAY for your complete restoration of health.

    BLESSINGS!!!

  10. Ellen in Oregon says:

    I am sure that this whole experience has been a frightening one. You are so fortunate that you finally got yourself to the ENT Dr. when you did. Many people do not realize that the sinuses & inner ear is right next to the brain. I feel badly that you suffered as long as you did without seeking help. It is so crucial it is to listen to your body & recognize when you need medical help. Bone infections usually reqiure significant antibiotics and more time to bounce back from than many infections. I know from experience. You must make your recovery the priority and I am sure your family & friends will take over the essentail household tasks. I hope that the MRI shows that the bone is now infection free and that you are on the road to recovery. Let go of the need to do anything but get better. There are many holiday baking marathons in your future. Just focus on getting your health back.

  11. yolanda says:

    hi I been calling your mom today to see how the mri went happy to know your walking around but hope this is over. now you know not to push yourself too exhausted.miss your blog so much but would miss you more! love you feel better really soon.so we can get back to some good cooking!and some funny blogs.

  12. Teresa W says:

    I am so glad they caught this when they did. Your doctor was absolutely right about it being dangerous. My cousin’s husband, who is an anesthesiologist and should know better, had a sinus infection for a couple of weeks. It, too, set up in the bone. His, however, then entered the space around the brain and caused meningitis. He was found in the on-call room, barely alive. It was 4 days before he was conscious. He is better now and practicing medicine, but can no longer practice anesthesiology due to some slight motor skill problems the disease left.
    Take care of yourself and we will all gladly wait until you get back in the kitchen. In the meantime, you can just dream up some new recipes!

  13. We love you and care about you. So I’m going into my momma/Nana mode here:

    1) Quit pacing the hospital hallways. It won’t get you home any faster. But it will interfere with your body healing (unless the Dr wants you to walk for some reason that I can’t think of).
    2) GET SOME REST! Your immune system is shot or your body would have responded to the bacteria/virus on it’s own. Not resting = not recovering. Our bodies only rebuild while we are resting, actually SLEEPING, not just resting.(And getting PROPER nutrition)
    3) If you died today, your house wouldn’t give a hoot. However, the people and animals that live in the house would mind TERRIBLY. So get some rest!
    4) We (your blog readers) love you. We’d miss you and be very sad. However…we’d get on without you. Ditto for people you volunteer with/for. We would be sad because we care for you and would miss your company. BUT…our lives would go on as normal because the glue that holds our lives together would still be there (OUR families). But your FAMILY would be devastated because the glue that holds THEIR life together and makes it worth living (YOU), would be gone.
    5) GET some REST. Rest = laying in bed (or on the couch), reading a book – something that lets you relax, NOT a thriller that gets you wound up! Read a magazine or your scriptures, knit/crochet something that is EASILY done or just plain go to sleep. Our bodies need more SLEEP when we’ve been sick or injured. Resting does NOT include pacing the halls. It does NOT include going home and cleaning house nor cooking elaborate meals nor making “goodies” nor posting them. Enlist family/friends to bring in some food or order take-out (or LET hubby cook). Use paper plates/cups and plastic utensils that can be tossed and let hubby and kids clean up. ALLOW family and friends to serve you. They can’t do it if you won’t LET them.
    6) This was a wake-up call from your body. The body’s natural response is to heal itself – unless something interferes with its ability to do so. Germs are around us all the time. We only get sick when our immune system can’t fight off the invaders. Poor diet (too much sugar, not enough nutrition etc.),too much stress and/or not enough SLEEP all contribute to running us down to where our bodies can no longer heal themselves.

    7) It’s good to be industrious. It’s good to be productive. It’s bad to be a perfectionist. Doing out best each day is a good thing, especially when we realize that “our best” on any given day is different (higher/lower)than on another day. Being a perfectionist robs us and our loved ones of joy. It sets impossible standards for everyone around us, including ourselves. And this destroys marriages and sets our kids up for failure because they can never meet our expectations.

    There is the idea of “moderation in all things”. A balance in life between being a “workaholic” and being “lazy”. From here, it seems like you tend to be at the workaholic end. Workaholics abuse themselves and their bodies. They also set an unrealistic standard of person-hood and what we, as people, can safely accomplish. Our kids see what we do and how we act. So they grow up to expect themselves or their husbands/wives to do what you do – after all, “MY mom did it”, so what’s wrong with me/you? They will either burn out or end up divorced. NO ONE can do it ALL!

    When we abuse our own bodies we either shorten our life or make it so that we cannot do any of that which we love to do because we are either chronic ill or have injuries that just won’t heal completely, leaving us severely limited in our ability to do what we LOVE to do, sometimes not even able to get through the tasks of the day.

    We need to learn to wisely pacing ourselves. Probably a good thing to ask ourselves is: would I push or allow someone ELSE to push, my mom, daughter, or grandma to continue on right now or would I fuss at them to take some stuff off their plate and rest. If I saw their schedule would I put my foot down and say NO to all the activities for them? We can NOT be all things to all people. We have to pick and choose, remembering that there are times and seasons for all things.
    8) If there is someone in your life that is whipping you on – calling you lazy, telling you you need to do more; then get that person OUT of your life. They are ABUSIVE! I’ve had to learn that one the hard way. I had an abusive mom and then married an abusive man. It wasn’t until he put bruises on our 2 year old and 5 year old that I left him. Not because I enjoyed being yelled at (he only tried tried to hit me once. I’m a Black belt in Jujitsu. He never tried again until 2 weeks before I left him and I was holding our 4 month old.)I didn’t leave because I value marriage and don’t think we should give up on it so easily as many do. However…when a partner won’t change then abuse, adultery, substance abuse, gambling and committing crimes are all GOOD reasons to leave a marriage. All these activities destroy not only the person involved in DOING these activities, but the other family members that have to live with their behavior.

    PLEASE, get some REST! Take some stuff permanently off your plate or at least for this season of life. Slow down on other stuff. I’m suggesting stuff like not volunteering in the classroom EVERY week and then doing a major PROJECT for the kids. Drop the projects and maybe only volunteer every-other week. Instead of blogging every day, just once a week. Drop decorating the whole house for Valentines day, making multiple homemade candy and decorated cookies for school,church,neighbors,etc. When you’ve healed – and it will be weeks for your body to truly heal itself, you can add back a few things.

    If you take care of yourself and haven’t run yourself down too badly, then by Valentines day, you’ll probably be able to cook for your family and maybe make ONE drop cookie or candy recipe for Valentines day for THEM. But make it something simple so that your body has the down time it needs and you don’t trigger a relapse.

    And so what that the school/teacher/kids/neighbors/blog readers “expects” you to do or make certain things? They/we are not your family! Hopefully, your family does NOT “expect” you to work yourself sick. If they do, then it’s time for new rules from you for them – WE teach people how to treat us by what we ALLOW.

    “You can’t give water from an empty well.” Your body is telling you that your well is empty. Let it refill.

    Those that truly love you want you to slow down and heal. Those that are just using you, won’t care and will whip you on. Don’t allow them to do it. And don’t let YOU whip you on. Proper self-love is not narcissistic any more than self-respect is. Love takes care of what it loves because it VALUES what it loves. Value yourself and your body. It’s the only body you have and you’ll have to live in it until you die. Will you live in a broken one or a healthy, whole one.

    Your loving mama/Nana on the internet.

  14. Norma says:

    You have already gotten good advice…..especially about the gowns…don’t want you causing cheap thrills and/or heart attacks.
    Please take care of yourself, remember you ARE the adult.

    The good news is that what ever you are rushing home to, will be patiently waiting on you.

    Hugs and xoxo

  15. Bobbi says:

    Oh no! Please rest and feel better. And I know it is hard but do whaever the doctors say and you will get better sooner. take care, we’ll be here when you get back :}

  16. Pam Webb says:

    Hang in there! You’ve gotten lots of advice before me. So I’m just going to ASK you to please slow down and take care of yourself! Your house, cooking and blog and fans can wait. We are more than willing to wait for you to get better. We have lots of your recipes to do again. Prayers and love to you.

  17. Vickie Noble says:

    Ditto on all the above…Prayers for a restful weekend.

  18. Ammara says:

    Please try and not worry too much about blogging. For a while let’s pretend this is the ‘Good vibes and healing energy for Tamatha’ blog :P. Know that you have a loyal following praying for you and all we want is that you feel better as soon as possible.

    Sending prayers for your speedy
    recovery all the way from Pakistan :)
    Xox
    Ammara

  19. Dottie says:

    Good golly please take care of yourself I am sure everyone can wait for you to get better and back on your feet to enjoy your blog once again. We would much rather have you 100% than not at all! Prayers going out to you and your family *_*

  20. Dianne Morrison says:

    Dear Tamatha, I found your blog because I had been following some whole (“real”) food blogs, and you must’ve posted on one of them. First of all, I want you to know that I so appreciate your light-hearted way of sharing about your family and the animals on your tiny farm. You have a real gift in the way you write about your life, and your recipes are extraordinary. I’m so glad that I found your blog.

    I began to worry about you last autumn when you blogged about your children getting sick. Then you got sick. I wanted to share with you that, although your recipes were really wonderful, they contained so much white flour and white sugar. day after day, that it wasn’t healthy. [I've copied your recipes, but with the intention of converting them to a more healthy format.]

    I’m praying for your full and complete recovery and your return to the heart of your family. I also hope that you’ll discover a healthier way of baking your wonderful cakes and other baked dishes.

    This holiday season I indulged in too much comfort food, and I, too, got sick. I know what caused it. Was it worth it? Will I do it again next year? Maybe by next year I will have “gotten a grip” and won’t over-indulge….

    Blessings to you, sweet soul. May you reconnect to your perfect health and be returned perfect, whole and complete to your family.

    Bless your heart, Dianne

    Please don’t take this as a criticism; I’m sending it with total love and concern. My thought is that all that “comfort food” is not conducive to good health

  21. Wendy (from the Netherlands) says:

    We do NOT want to see you blogging again TILL you are better, YOU HEAR (shouting this because you must be a little deaf:).
    Now serious: please,please take your time to get well!!! We are such a patient audiance/readersgroup and we just wait for you to get better.

    Groetjes,
    Wendy

    ps concerning the above post: you are an adult mother and I am sure you know what is healthy food and what not. Butter is healthy (unless you eat a pound a day). And we know you do not eat all your backings all by yourself :) .Eeeeh…. you don’t, do you?

  22. Mich says:

    Holy crap…that’s not good at all!! Hope you don’t have to have anymore surgery. Fingers x’d you get to go home asap. Rest & get well soon x

  23. Lori says:

    Rest up and get well. Don’t worry about the blog. There are many other things in life that are much more important. Take care.

  24. oh my goodness that is scary!!! Prayers they got it all this first time, and you can get home soon!!

  25. mark...from IA says:

    Yo Tam,gonna keep it brief here…you just take it very easy now and give yourself lots of time for a slow recovery, ya hear?
    …and that’s an ORDER from the doctor! (well…er,not really an MD,but from someone who works in close proximity with some of those guys, anyway).

  26. Oh my! What a mess… no wonder you are in the hospital wearing a gown with no back!!!! YOu need to rest and relax and let the iv’s do their magic!!! We will all be here waiting for your HEALTHY return.
    I am so so sorry you are so sick. I am praying for a very speedy recovery!!!

  27. Theresa says:

    Oh my I am so sorry that you are ill. I wish I lived closer to you to help you. I just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. The gowns… that is why they call it I. C. U. (I see You). tee hee, Please!!! you need to take all of the time you need to get yourself healed not only for yourself and your family. Gett well soon.
    Theresa

  28. Elena T says:

    Hey Tamatha, so sorry to hear about all this. You need to take it easy and give your body some time to recover. You have been missed by all your fans but speaking for myself I am happy to wait until you are 100% better.
    I will be thinking about you and sending positive loving thoughts your way. Elena

  29. Susan says:

    All my love for a successful recovery! I know we’re a lot alike and I bet you abhor hospitals as much as I do…especially when you’re not feeling well!

  30. Laura Hatt says:

    Hope you get to feeling better.

  31. Charlotte Moore says:

    Sure hope you are improving. Have been concerned if you had to have surgery again. Sure Pray you did not have to endure it again. Hope to hear you are doing much better real soon.

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